Harry Potter and His Chamber of Secrets

The Hook Up

On the phone, our protagonist Fate strikes up a conversation with his target, Pucas.

FATE
Hey bro. What are you doing?

PUCAS
Just chilling. Reading. Being sexy. The usual. You?

FATE
Well, I’m pretty bored. I just finished my morning workout and I’m glistening with sweat. If you’re free, would you like to come over and play pool?

PUCAS
Oh Fate! I would love to! When can I come over?

FATE
Well, I have to take my clothes off very slowly so I can get in the shower and let the water run over me for a while. Can you come over in an hour?

PUCAS
Of course. I’ll do the same. I want to gussy up. See you then.

FATE
Toodles.

Pucas walks up to Fate’s door and smoothes his shirt before knocking on the door. Fate opens it and smiles.

FATE
Hey. Come on in to my funhouse.

PUCAS
Um…

FATE
Sorry. That was a bit weird. Let’s play some pool.

PUCAS
Okay!

Pucas follows Fate through the house, admiring his lightness of foot. They enter the back porch to find the pool table set for a game. There are candles in the area (though far enough from the table to not present a hazard), providing a dim glow and a subtle scent of romance. Jazz music is playing softly in the background.

PUCAS
Fate, I have a confession…

FATE
What is it?

PUCAS
This is so embarrassing…I’ve never told anyone this before…I…I…

FATE
Too many ellipses. Please, don’t be self-conscious. You can tell me.

PUCAS
I don’t know how to play pool.

FATE
Oh…Why didn’t you say so? I can show you, if you’d like.

PUCAS
Oh, Fate! Would you?

FATE
Of course. I’d be honored. Let’s show you how to handle the stick, first. We can deal with the balls later.

PUCAS
Um…dude?

FATE
Sorry. It was too easy; I couldn’t resist.

PUCAS
That’s cool brah.

Fate proceeds to hand Pucas a pool stick. He gets behind him and puts one arm around his waist, the other slowly tracing the length of his…arm.

FATE
You’ve got to hold the stick firmly, and make sure you don’t rush it or lose control.

PUCAS
At this point, it’s kind of hard not to lose control.

FATE
Oh, sorry. Am I going too fast? Would you like a breather?

PUCAS
No, it’s okay. Now what?

FATE
Well, you aim. And you thrust. And hopefully at least one ball goes in. Maybe more.

PUCAS
This “ball” double entendre is getting kind of old…

FATE
I know, but it still turns you on. Am I right?

PUCAS
You’re always right.

FATE
I know.

Pucas blushes and looks down, his grip loosening on the pool stick. Fate steps back a little bit, looking hurt and confused.

FATE
Is something wrong?

PUCAS
I don’t know if I can do this, Fate. I’ve been trying so hard to suppress my feelings…but…

FATE
Again with the ellipses. Pucas, don’t worry. I know what you’re trying to say. Look at me.

Fate gently places his hand under Pucas’s chin and pulls his head up. He suavely plants one hand on the pool table as he leans in. Pucas turns to face Fate.

FATE
Did you really think the only reason I invited you here was to play pool?

PUCAS
I hoped…but I couldn’t be sure…ever since our tide pool adventure, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. I want to know you, Fate. I want our relationship to blossom. Thinking of you every day, not knowing if you think of me, you have no idea how much it’s been killing me! Please, please just tell me you don’t feel for me. One word from you can end my suffering. I just can’t take this anymore…not knowing-

Pucas breaks off, his emotions getting the better of him. He tries to look away, but Fate refuses to let him. He just leans closer.

FATE
Please, stop. You don’t have to say these things. Knowing that I’ve caused you pain…I can’t forgive myself. I’m sorry that I haven’t made my intentions clear before. I can’t express the way I feel for you in words, so I hope you’ll be satisfied with this.

Fate finally FINALLY gets to the point and kisses him. Pucas is shocked, and struggles to respond. Eventually he is able to gather his wits enough to wrap an arm around Fate’s waist, while his free hand finds Fate’s perfectly sculpted moob. I mean moob in the kind sense, fyi, not the mean saggy Moob sense. Don’t worry. Pucas sits on the edge of the pool table, finally allowing himself to believe and accept the idea that he is actually here, actually in Fate’s arms…He breaks away softly.

PUCAS
Fate…does this mean…please don’t lead me on. If you’re only playing with me, tell me. My feelings can’t take the abuse.

FATE
What I feel for you is as real as the Matrix. As for the playing…that comes later.

PUCAS
Well then…I think we need a little less light in here.

FATE
I completely agree. Please allow me.

Fate disengages himself from Pucas and walks slowly around the patio, blowing out each candle and allowing Pucas to observe his form from every angle. Finally, they are surrounded by darkness, and Fate feels his way back to Pucas, who welcomes him back with open…arms. The rest is up to you.

CURTAINS

Welcome to The Plagiarist

We, the fabulous five, present a Santa Barbara High School production. Brought to you from the creepiest reaches of our demented minds, we present this offering of fanfiction, about character fictional and real, with every plot and pairing quite surreal. We can only hope that you enjoy your stay. Let's go play.

Sincerely,
Nate, Noel, Aly, Sierra, and Madison